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One woman=E2=80=99s journey in the Holy = Orthodox=20 faith=E2=80=A6

The Radical Catacomb Teaching of Monk Seraphim = Rose

by Monk Damascene Christensen

Sites to see: St.=20 Innocent.com and deathtotheworld.com

It=E2=80=99s all over for what was once known as Christian = civilization. We=E2=80=99re living=20 in a post-Christian age. As the mad prophet Friedrich Nietzsche said, = =E2=80=9CThe 20th=20 century will be the triumph of NIHILISM.=E2=80=9D And this triumph, said = Monk Seraphim=20 Rose, will end in a reign of ANARCHY. =E2=80=9CNihilism is the means, = Anarchism is the=20 end.=E2=80=9D

=E2=80=9CNihilism=E2=80=9D comes from the word nihil, meaning = =E2=80=9Cnothing.=E2=80=9D Nietzsche defined=20 Nihilism thus: =E2=80=9CThere is no truth. There is no absolute state of = affairs=E2=80=93no=20 =E2=80=98thing-in-itself.=E2=80=99 This alone is Nihilism, and of the = most extreme kind.=E2=80=9D Fr.=20 Seraphim wrote that =E2=80=9CNihilism has become, in our time, so = widespread and=20 pervasive, has entered so thoroughly and so deeply into the minds and = hearts of=20 all men living today, that there is no longer any = =E2=80=98front=E2=80=99 on which it may be=20 fought.

This is the mind-set of modern society, and it is the wave of the = future. But=20 if abandonment of Truth has become the mainstream, who then are the = rebels? Not=20 the Nihilists who openly declare that life has no meaning and live as = though it=20 did not. They are only victims who have been devastated by the spirit of = the=20 times. The =E2=80=9CChristians,=E2=80=9Dthen? Not if they=E2=80=99ve = sold out to the world, and, while=20 immersed in their slick, squeaky-clean worldliness, act as if = they=E2=80=99re trying to=20 stand for something otherworldly.

No, the true rebels are those who, by their deeds and lives, spit on = both the=20 falsness of the world and on the mainstream of Nihilism that refuses to = see=20 above this world. Such a rebel was Monk Seraphim Rose.

Fr. Seraphim was born into a typical white, middle-class Protestant = family in=20 San Diego in 1934. While growing up, he was the proverbial dutiful child = and=20 academic achiever. After high school, however, he began to passionately = seek the=20 answer to the question =E2=80=9CWhy?=E2=80=9D=E2=80=93and, not finding = it in the society in which he had=20 been raised, he began to rebel. He refused to accept the accepted = answers. This=20 was at the very beginning of the modern counterculture, the early = 1950=E2=80=99s. Fr.=20 Seraphim became a student of one of the counterculture=E2=80=99s first = pioneers, Alan=20 Watts (whom he later realized was totally pseudo) and became a Buddhist = Bohemian=20 in S.F. He learned ancient Chinese in order to study the Tao Teh Ching = and other=20 ancient Eastern texts in their original language, hoping thereby to tap = into=20 their heart of their wisdom. By this time he had wholly rejected the = Protestant=20 Christianity of his formative years, which he regarded as worldly, weak, = and=20 fake; he mocked its concept of God and said that it =E2=80=9Cput God in = a box.=E2=80=9D He read=20 Nietzsche until that prophet=E2=80=99s words began to resonate in his = soul with an=20 electric, infernal power.

All this time, he had been seeking the Truth with his mind, but the = Truth had=20 eluded him. He fell into a state of despair which he described in later = years as=20 a living hell. He felt he did not fit in the modern world, even in his = own=20 family, who did not understand him. It was as if he had somehow been = born out of=20 place, out of time. He loved to roam under the stars, but he felt that = there was=20 nothing out there to take him in=E2=80=93no God, nothing. The Buddhist = =E2=80=9Cnothingness=E2=80=9D=20 left him empty, just as it did the founder of the Beat movement Jack = Kerouac;=20 and, like Kerouac, Fr. Seraphim turned to drink. He would drink wine=20 voraciously, and then would pound on the floor, screaming at God to = leave him=20 alone. Once while drunk, he raised a fist to heaven from a mountaintop, = cursed=20 God and dared Him to damn him to hell. In his despair, it seemed worth = being=20 damned forever by God=E2=80=99s wrath, if only he could empirically know = that God=20 exists=E2=80=93rather than remain in a stagnant state of indifference. = If God did damn=20 him to hell, at least then he would, for that blissful instant, feel = God=E2=80=99s touch=20 and know for sure that He was reachable.

=E2=80=9CAtheism,=E2=80=9D Fr. Seraphim wrote in later years, = =E2=80=9Ctrue =E2=80=98existential=E2=80=99 atheism=20 burning with hatred of a seemingly unjust or unmerciful God, is a = spiritual=20 state; it is a real attempt to grapple with the true God Whose ways are = so=20 inexplicable even to the most believing of men, and it has more than = once been=20 known to end in a blinding vision of Him Whom the real atheist truly = seeks. It=20 is Christ Who works in these souls. The Antichrist is not to be found = primarily=20 in the great deniers, but in the small affirmers, whose Christ is only = on the=20 lips. Nietzsche, in calling himself Antichrist, proved thereby his = intense=20 hunger for Christ=E2=80=A6.=E2=80=9D

In searching through various ancient religious traditions, Fr. = Seraphim once=20 went to visit a Russian Orthodox church. Later he wrote about this=20 experience:

=E2=80=9CFor years in my studies I was satisfied with being = =E2=80=98above all traditions=E2=80=99=20 but somehow faithful to them=E2=80=A6. When I visited an Orthodox = church, it was only in=20 order to view another =E2=80=98tradition.=E2=80=99 However, when I = entered an Orthodox church=20 for the first time (a Russian church in San Francisco) something = happened to me=20 that I had not experienced in any Buddhist or other Eastern temple; = something in=20 my heart said that this was =E2=80=98home,=E2=80=99 that all my search = was over. I didn=E2=80=99t really=20 know what this meant, because the service was quite strange to me, and = in a=20 foreign language. I began to attend Orthodox services more frequently, = gradually=20 learning its language and customs=E2=80=A6. With my exposure to = Orthodoxy and to=20 Orthodox people, a new idea began to enter my awareness: that Truth was = not just=20 an abstract idea, sought and known by the mind, but was something = personal=E2=80=93even=20 a Person=E2=80=93sought and loved by the heart. And that is how I met = Christ.=E2=80=9D

On becoming Orthodox, Fr. Seraphim continued to despise the modern = world and=20 hoped for nothing from it; he wanted only to escape it. He felt no less, = if not=20 more, estranged from the Christianity he had been raised in, for while = that=20 Christianity was at home in the world, his was radically otherworldly. = He had=20 finally found the designation of man=E2=80=99s existence, and it was = this: man is meant=20 for another world.

Fr. Seraphim=E2=80=99s was an ascetic faith. He wanted a Christianity = that emphasized=20 not earthly consolation and benefits, but rather heavenly redemption = through=20 intense suffering on earth. No other kind rang true to him who had = suffered so=20 much. Only a God Who allowed His children to be perfected for heaven = through=20 suffering, and Who Himself set the example by coming to a life of = suffering=E2=80=93only=20 such a God was capable of drawing the afflicted world to Himself and was = worthy=20 to be worshipped by the highest spiritual faculties of man.

In his journal, Fr. Seraphim wrote: =E2=80=9CLet us not, who would be = Christians,=20 expect anything else from it than to be crucified. For to be Christian = is to be=20 crucified, in this time and in any time since Christ came for the first = time.=20 His life is the example=E2=80=93and warning=E2=80=93 to us all. We must = be crucified personally,=20 mystically; for through crucifixion is the only path to resurrection. If = we=20 would rise with Christ, we must first be humbled with Him=E2=80=93even = to the ultimate=20 humiliation, being devoured and spit forth by the uncomprehending = world.

=E2=80=9CAnd we must be crucified outwardly, in the eyes of the = world; for Christ=E2=80=99s=20 Kingdom is not of this world, and the world cannot bear it, even a = single=20 representative of it, even for a single moment. The world can only = accept=20 Antichrist, now or at any time.

=E2=80=9CNo wonder, then, that it is hard to be a = Christian=E2=80=93it is not hard, it is=20 impossible. No one can knowingly accept a way of life which, the more = truly it=20 is lived, leads the more surely to one=E2=80=99s own destruction. And = that is why we=20 constantly rebel, try to make life easier, try to be half-Christian, try = to make=20 the best of both worlds. We must ultimately choose=E2=80=93our felicity = lies in one=20 world or the other, not in both.

=E2=80=9CGod give us the strength to pursue the path of crucifixion; = there is no=20 other way to be a Christian.=E2=80=9D

Before he had found the Truth Fr. Seraphim had suffered for the lack = of it.=20 Now having found it he suffered for the sake of it. He devoted the rest = of his=20 life to living that Truth, and killing himself to give it to others. = Together=20 with a young Russian man named Gleb Podmoshensky, he formed a = Brotherhood which=20 practiced the =E2=80=9CDo It Yourself=E2=80=9D philosophy. They opened a = bookstore in S.F. and=20 began printing a small magazine by hand on a letterpress, refusing to = become a=20 dependent arm of the worldly church establishment. Later, partly to = avoid this=20 very establishment, they moved their printing operation to the = wilderness of=20 northern California, where they began to live like the = =E2=80=9Cdesert-dwellers=E2=80=9D=20 (wilderness ascetics) of ancient times. There was no running water on = their=20 forested mountain, no telephone, no electric lines. They built their = buildings=20 themselves out of lumber taken from old pioneer dwellings, and hauled = water on=20 their backs up the mountain. They lived with deer, bear, foxes, rabbits, = squirrels, bats, mountain lions, scorpions, and rattlesnakes.

In 1970 they became monks, thus dying forever to the world. At this = time the=20 church establishment tried to shut down their wilderness hermitage and = make them=20 standard pastors for parishes in the world. The two monks fought long = and hard=20 against this, and after much suffering achieved victory.

In the wilderness, Fr. Seraphim=E2=80=99s spirit began to soar. = =E2=80=9CThe city,=E2=80=9D he once=20 said, =E2=80=9Cis for those who are empty, and it pushes away those who = are filled. The=20 desert keeps those who are filled and allows them to = thrive.=E2=80=9D

Working by candlelight in his tiny cabin, Fr. Seraphim produced a = great=20 number of original writings and translations of ancient ascetic texts. = In=20 America his writings have so far reached only select circles, but in = countries=20 formerly behind the Iron Curtain they have had an incalculable impact on = human=20 lives. During the Communist era, they were secretly translated into = Russian and=20 distributed in the underground press (=E2=80=9Dsamizdat=E2=80=9D) in the = form of typewritten=20 manuscripts. By the time of the fall of Communist Power in 1991, Fr. = Seraphim=20 was known all over Russia. Today his books are on sale everywhere in = Russia,=20 including booktables in the Metro (subway) and on the street. The reason = that he=20 has made a much greater mark on Russia than on his homeland is because = in Russia=20 people know how to suffer. Fr. Seraphim=E2=80=99s message of underground = Christianity,=20 of suffering and persecution in this world for the sake of Truth, = touches a=20 responsive chord in people who have already been crucified. In America = people=20 would rather hear the =E2=80=9Cnice=E2=80=9D messages of preachers like = Rev. Robert Schuller=20 (who, by the way, broadcasts his show to Russia, where people can hardly = believe=20 how stupid it is).

I met Fr. Seraphim a year and a half before his death in 1982. Like = him, I=20 had been seeking Reality through Eastern religions, etc., by seeking to = escape=20 pseudo-reality through a Zen- like breakdown of logical thought = processes.=20 Finally reduced to despair, I listened to Syd Barrett=E2=80=99s two=20 schizophrenic-withdrawal, childhood-regression solo albums over and = over, until=20 I had memorized all his word-salads. (In Russia, this is known as = =E2=80=9Cgoing crazy=20 on a full stomach.=E2=80=9D)

Then one day Fr. Seraphim came to the campus where I was going to = school. He=20 drove up in an old beat-up pickup truck, and emerged with his worn-out = black=20 robe, his long hair, and his exceedingly long gray beard which had = become matted=20 (I found out later that he had not taken a bath or shower since becoming = a monk=20 ll years before=E2=80=93which is common monastic practice in Israel, = Greece, and=20 Egypt=E2=80=93but for some reason he didn=E2=80=99t smell). It was the = image of absolute=20 poverty.

Thc next thing I remember is walking with Fr. Seraphim through the = college.=20 Dinner had just ended, and the students were milling and hanging around = outside=20 the cafeteria. Everyone was staring at Fr. Seraphim, but he walked = through them=20 as naturally as if he had been at home. In the middle of this = progressive=20 American college, he seemed like someone who had just stepped out of the = 4th-century Egyptian desert.

Fr. Seraphim went to a lecture room and delivered a talk called = =E2=80=9CSigns of the=20 Coming of the End of the World.=E2=80=9D He happened to be sick at this = time, and=20 sniffled throughout the lecture. Obviously exhausted, he yet remained=20 clear-headed, cheerful, and ready to answer questions at length. I could = see=20 that he was at least as learned and far more wise than any of my = professors, and=20 yet he was clearly a man off the wilderness, more at home in a forest = than in a=20 classroom.

What struck me most about Fr. Seraphim was that here was a man who = was=20 sacrificing himself totally for God, for the Truth. He was not a = university=20 professor receiving a comfortable salary for being a disseminator of = knowledge,=20 nor was he a religious leader who hankered after power, influence, or = even a=20 bowl of fruit to be placed at his feet, as did the =E2=80=9Cspiritual = masters=E2=80=9D who then=20 had followings in the area. He was not =E2=80=9Cinto religion=E2=80=9D = for what he could get out=20 of it; he was not looking for a crutch, to =E2=80=9Cenjoy spiritual = life.=E2=80=9D He was just a=20 simple monk who sought the Truth above all else. And I knew beyond a = shadow of a=20 doubt that he would die for that Truth, for I could sense that he was = dying for=20 it already.

As we have said, Fr. Seraphim=E2=80=99s message falls on many a deaf = ear here in=20 America. Even people in his same church will only listen to so much of = it. When=20 they think they might have to go against public opinion and risk losing=20 recognition and acceptance by the world (including the =E2=80=9Cchurch = world=E2=80=9D), they=20 stop short. And yet the Crucified God to Whom they give lipservice once = said to=20 His disciples: =E2=80=9CIf the world hate you, ye know that it hated me = before it hated=20 you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because = ye are=20 not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the = world=20 hateth you.=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CIn the world ye shall have tribulation: = but be of good cheer; I=20 have overcome the world.=E2=80=9D

Those who have suffered immense pain in this world can believe far = more=20 deeply than those who have not, that there must be another world. Those = who,=20 like Fr. Seraphim, have felt themselves out of place in modern society, = who have=20 been =E2=80=9Cdevoured and spit forth by the uncomprehending = world,=E2=80=9D can understand=20 better Christ=E2=80=99s radical call of rejection of the world and = rebellion against it.=20 Thus it is not the =E2=80=9Caccepted=E2=80=9D ones who can hear Fr. = Seraphim=E2=80=99s message =E2=80=9Cnot of=20 this world=E2=80=9D and carry it out to the end. Just as in the time of = Christ, it is=20 the outcasts who get the point. Even an atheist may be closer to God = than a=20 =E2=80=9Cright-believing=E2=80=9D one, if the former is suffering in his = unbelief and the latter=20 is smug and complacent in his belief. As Fr. Seraphim said, God is = working in=20 the souls of the =E2=80=9Cgreat deniers=E2=80=9D more than in those of = the =E2=80=9Csmall=20 affirmers.=E2=80=9D

It is not accidental, then, that while many people in Fr. = Seraphim=E2=80=99s church=20 only go halfway with his teaching, there is a growing number of people = from the=20 punk movement who are going all the way with it. Several punx have = joined the=20 Brotherhood he founded and are dying to the world as monastics, having = found=20 ancient Orthodox monasticism to be the ultimate punkdom.

As early as 1960, Fr. Seraphim had come to many of the conclusions = that the=20 punx of today have come to. He said that humanity, when divorced from = God,=20 naturally becomes SUBHUMANITY, and that Humanism becomes Subhumanism. = Those=20 artists and musicians who depict modern, godless, autonomous man as = empty,=20 despairing, enraged and dehumanized, hit closer to the truth than the = naive,=20 happy humanist who tries to look at the modern situation with = optimism.

A few years later, in 1962, Fr. Seraphim wrote an essay in which he = traced=20 the course that Nihilism takes, directed by the Evil One. His words = proved=20 prophetic in subsequent decades.

At the first stage of Nihilism, he said, is = =E2=80=9CLiberalism,=E2=80=9D by which he meant=20 the attempt to work out a compromise between the Old Order = (=E2=80=9DChristian=20 civilization=E2=80=9D) and the New Order of humanity without God. At the = second stage is=20 Realism, in which belief in the other world and transcendent Truth is = abandoned=20 and the whole concentration is on the material world, physical = well-being,=20 technical progress, etc. Realism, however, denies man=E2=80=99s = unplanned, irrational=20 needs, and therefore must evoke a reaction against it, which is the = third stage:=20 Vitalism. In the Vitalist stage, the criterion of Truth is substituted = by a new=20 standard: the =E2=80=9Clife-giving,=E2=80=9D the = =E2=80=9Cvital.=E2=80=9D This may take the form of=20 pseudo-spiritual experiences, the invoking of =E2=80=9Cpowers=E2=80=9D = and =E2=80=9Cpresences,=E2=80=9D or else=20 of the =E2=80=9Ccult of nature=E2=80=9D with its primary elements of the = earth, the body, and=20 sex. Vitalism, Fr. Seraphim said, is =E2=80=9Can unmistakable symptom of = world-weariness. It is the product, not of the = =E2=80=98freshness=E2=80=9D and =E2=80=98life=E2=80=99and=20 =E2=80=98immediacy=E2=80=99 its followers so desperately seek (precisely = because they lack=20 them), but of the corruption and unbelief that are but the last phase of = the=20 dying civilization they hate.=E2=80=9D

Thus, Fr. Seraphim believed, beyond Vitalism there can be only one = more,=20 definitive stage through which Nihilism may pass: the Nihilism of = Destruction.=20 =E2=80=9CHere at last,=E2=80=9D he wrote, =E2=80=9Cwe find an almost = =E2=80=98pure=E2=80=99 Nihilism, a rage against=20 creation and against civilization that will not be appeased until it has = reduced=20 them to absolute destruction.=E2=80=9D

Since Fr. Seraphim wrote about this in 1962, the youth movements have = tended=20 to correspond with the stages he outlined. The hippie movement of the = 60=E2=80=99s and=20 early 70=E2=80=99s was an example of Vitalism reacting against the dead = Liberalism and=20 dry Realism of the 50=E2=80=99s (when sclence was expected to take care = of everything,=20 conformity was the rule, and spiritual seeking looked down upon). By the = 80=E2=80=99s=20 and 90=E2=80=99s, the ideals of the hippies had proved naive and = simplistic, and their=20 Vitalism gave way to manifestations of the Nihilism of Destruction in a = now far=20 more fragmented youth culture. This is where we are at today. And beyond = it, Fr.=20 Seraphim said, is Anarchy.

=E2=80=9CThe Nihilism of our times exists in all,=E2=80=9D Fr. = Seraphim wrote, =E2=80=9Cand those who=20 do not, with the aid of God, choose to combat it in the name of the = fullness of=20 Being of the living God, are swallowed up in it already. We have been = brought to=20 the edge of the abyss of nothingness and, whether we recognize its = nature or=20 not, we will, through affinity for the ever-present nothingness within = us, be=20 engulfed in it beyond all hope of redemption=E2=80=93unless we cling in = full and certain=20 faith (which, doubting, does not doubt) in Christ, without Whom we are = truly=20 nothing=E2=80=A6.

=E2=80=9CFacile interpretations of the =E2=80=98crisis,=E2=80=99 of = the =E2=80=98choice=E2=80=99 before us, abound;=20 to take either side of these illusionary interpretations is damnation. = The true=20 crisis is now, as it has ever been, within us; it is our acceptance or = negation=20 of Christ. Christ is our crisis; He; demands from us all or nothing, and = this=20 =E2=80=98problem=E2=80=99 He presents us is the only one that need be = answered=E2=80=A6. Do we choose=20 God, Who alone IS, or ourselves, nothingness, the abyss, Hell? Our age = is=20 founded upon nothingness; but this nothingness, inexplicably to us, = presents,=20 for those who can still perceive, the crisis of all men in all ages most = clearly=20 and unmistakably. Our age tells, if we can listen, to choose the living=20 God.=E2=80=9D

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